No, not really. Guilt is a luxury to me now. I haven't got *time*
Not to sleep. Not to relax. Not to anything fun....ok, I exaggerate, but it's close to that.
Instead of doing my sis' aimless tag, let me instead blog about my life atm . It's kinda crazy. I thought I'd be over all the teething problems I had last year as a newbie. I thought I'd go to school as a confident, experienced teacher who didn't need to go badgering other teachers for help!
Sigh. I think I'm working too much. I leave the school no earlier than 5.00pm on an average. Many times, I continue working at home till I hit the sack. I don't think I'm overly dedicated. I don't think I've been given more than my share of work. I don't know why I can't finish anything.
I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I'M OVERWORKED!
I prefer to think that I'm a bit slower than others ... plus I'm quite scatter-brained.
- I don't wanna believe I'm overworked because that would be a huge blow to my confidence in the system.
- I really don't want to believe that I've been given more work because they think I can handle it.
- And I don't want to believe that I've been given all these responsibilities because I'm a push-over and can't say no.
So, yea. I'll believe that I'm slow. That one day, I will wake up knowing all there is to know about the SYSTEM.
- I will KNOW which blasted form to fill in WHENEVER.
- I will OWN softcopies of letters for EVERY last purpose IN MALAY!
- I will PUT a STOP to silly under-utilised but over-emphasised notions like Prog. Headcount.
- I will overhaul the SBOA!!!!
- I will HAVE my own laserjet printer on my desk in school.
- I will WRITE my own damned softwares for timetable-ing, SAP-ing and all other crappy databases.
- I will KNOW all rules and regulations to all sorts of SPORTS and GAMES.
- I will INVENT a WAY to overcome all those pesky, repetitive hand written crap like the BUKU KEDATANGAN PELAJAR and FILE PERSONALIA.
I do tutoring now. Besides the desperately needed extra income, it really gives me pleasure to professionally develop myself and teach only for the sake of teaching. I know I've been ranting about the amount of work I do at school, but if anyone dares suggest that my tutoring is taking up my time...fie to you!
I only tutor 3 times a week - twice on Fridays and once on Sundays. I make sure school takes top priority and I use my time off on weekends to experiment with new ways of teaching English (it's especially fun with MUET students). So I don't think I'm doing anything at the expense of the school.
I'm kinda touchy about this because I used to complain a lot abt a colleague of mine who used her tuitioning as an excuse to escape school meetings/work (anything that's related to staying back) and dump it all on me. So yea, I made sure I would not give anyone reason to say I wasn't doing my share of work.
Btw, check out my timetable. I know it may not look like much - I only have 25 periods after all. But I assure you, Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are enough to drive me crazy - the back to back classes are all at least a block (and many flights of stairs apart). Ketua Bidangs must see me as their sacrificial lamb on Thursdays and Fridays....and I have to say I can't blame them. This kind of schedule leaves me very little time to get markings done etc etc.
Furthermore, I teach the best classes of Form Two and Three. Easy? Not exactly. Essay-marking is a nightmare!!! I spend approx 10-15 mins on each student. I AM NOT JOKING! Parents from these classes expect extensive corrective and general feedback. I ran through two red pens in one round of essays (200 essays in a week). My only consolation is that they are really happy with it - and told my GPK so.
I did learn a thing or two about Classroom Management last year, though. I learnt:
"TREAT 'EM MEAN, KEEP 'EM KEEN"
I've been so mean! Lol - well, not really. But I've started the year being really, really strict with my kiddies. I like to reason and logic-ise with them, and don't give a rat's ass if they're not mature enough to deal with it. I asserted on day one that I want the best for them (academically) and I am NOT afraid to be a monster to them if it helps any.
And I think I have been one :p
Today, I had two kids 'forgetting' their books for the second time in a week. The first time, I sent them out from class and made them write lines. Today, I made them call their moms up on my phone and I spoke to their moms. I was very polite to the mommies (allies!) and thank God they were very nice too. Poor boys were really shaken though. GOOD! I was too kind early in the year, last year, and I really paid for it when nothing I did could make them change. I CANNOT BE A FRIEND (mantra).
Also, I've specially composed several comeback at kids who answer back at me in Mando.
Tie your hair/ Fix your tie/ Tuck in your shirt!
Teacher, you also leave your hair down/ Dye your hair/ bla bla bla. You should be a good role model!
I am one. I waited 17 years to graduate from highschool before I did any of these. Now, i represent what YOU can do when you graduate! You wanna be like me? Sure thing! Wait till you're 26! *sweet smile*
They usually go speechless. Yay!
I am not a toilet.
No, no, can I go to the toilet? Please?
Discipline your bladder. It's right after recess.
I have lots of fun with that.
OKAYYYYYYYYYY ranting over. I promise the next post will be a happier and more cheerful one. I think I can manage that.