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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Anakku

Okay, I won't comment on the long hiatus. I've been meaning to post up several posts - but I've never gone around finishing them - so there they sit - festering sores of unfinished thoughts.

This post is really for myself - I really like talking to myself and thinking deep thoughts and sharing them with myself etc etc. Today - my thought is for the child within me (literally):

"Oh anakku, why you no lie down quiet quiet for afternoon nap?"

Been pregs for about 6 months now. Had quite the skema-type pregnancy. Horrible 1st 3 months. Better 2nd trimester. Now, embarking on my final lap. Am praying for the best as I've not had the easiest route so far. There's been bleeding scares, inexplicable swellings, weight loss, weight gain, anemia so on so forth. Of course, millions of women go through these so I guess I should survive and not be so wimpy, right?

It's been an interesting experience to say the least. Sometimes, I still find it hard to accept that what I see in the ultrasound printouts is ACTUALLY inside me. The initial emotion was one of relief (ah, conceived at last) then, indifference (meh, kids) and finally, love and fear (oh, I love you my child, but what if you grow into one of those lil monstas I teach?). Can anyone say : overprotective mother-tigger?

We found out the baby's sex quite early on - was quite the exhibitionist. We've been toying with several names and finally settled on Mr. A. That's right, just like Mr. T! Hahaha, nah, not so radical la, it's just that his name begins with the letter A. Hence, I'll be referring to him as Mr A.

Mr. A has been actively moving around since his 4th month. At first, it felt like like there was a goldfish swimming around inside me. Then, the motion began to feel more like something was turning and doing pirouettes. Now, it's mostly bumps and jumps. Sometimes I can even see my belly quaking a little. And I can wake him up by gently tapping my belly. Fascinating.

All I want to do nowadays is to lie down and pat my belly and myself to sleep. Even right now, the only thing that's keeping me from bed is the sweltering, sweltering weather. And, well, books to mark.

So if future me re-reads this -

"Remember, you love Mr A. Try to forgive his inevitable pooping, peeing, crying and all other disgusting habits. After all, Tora is just the same."

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